Cari answers a Christmas questionnaire

One of my friends sent me a Christmas questionnaire and I thought I’d share it. Be Warned…if you’ve never had a Crappy-Christmas you might find some of my experiences rather unbelievable…it’s all true!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Depends on the gift…if it’s going under the Christmas tree I like it to be wrapped, but if it’s a gift I’m giving away and I want it to look nice I’ll buy a nice bag and tissue paper, but I almost never give Christmas gifts to people outside my immediate family so don’t feel unloved if you don’t get anything…most of my siblings and best friends won’t get anything either!

2. Real tree or Artificial?
Real ofcourse…they smell divine…however, the last real Christmas tree I had (1996) I nearly accidentally killed myself trimming it. I don’t know what I was thinking…no I wasn’t thinking…I had the “brilliant idea” to use my sculpting mallet and chisel to cut off the bottom of the tree before putting it in water. I had the chisel in the wrong hand (Why? I don’t know! I never hold the chisel in the right hand it goes in the left!) And so I nearly killed myself when the chisel slipped off the tree (because my right hand never holds the chisel) and it landed on the opposite wrist. (I can show you the scar…it was a miracle I didn’t sever an artery. I was a millimetre away from fainting into in a large pool of blood and dying because I was on my own) Never trim a tree on your own! And NEVER trim a tree with a mallet and chisel…not unless you can’t bear another Crappy Christmas. It was clearly not my time to go! Anyway…we have an artificial tree…not as nice as a real tree, but less dangerous. Thankfully back in 1996 I had a friend who lived in the floor above me who was home…instead of going to a movie he took me to the Emergency room at the hospital where he then had to endure the embarrassment of being thought my husband. Doubtless before he corrected them they were thinking he was a really pathetic man to let his wife trim the tree and nearly kill herself. When we got back he insisted on sawing off the bottom of the tree. I don’t think he wanted to have to go back to ER and face any more traumatising questions! Bless!

Before 1996 I’d never had stitches and that year I had them three times…twice on my left hand. I nearly cut my thumb off at the ice cream shop…another story…in the end that wound saved my life…wierd, but true.

3. When do you put up the tree?
Sometime in December

4. When do you take the tree down?
after New Years

5. Do you like eggnog? Oh yes! Haven’t eaten it since I moved over here, but I used to make it and drink it all the time growing up. I’m now too paranoid about ending up ill from bad eggs. Made in a blender with raw eggs,sugar, milk and nutmeg it’s quite nice.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?
Can’t think of one…though the stero I got at 13 might qualify. This was a very unexpected strangely expensive gift that I suspected then that my dad bought for himself and then gave to me out of guilt. On second thought my parents might have felt guilty about the previous Christmas… (read worst Christmas gift ever received)

7. Hardest person to buy for?
My mother…the only thing I ever gave her she liked was a stack of old hunting magazines that I bought at a junk shop (weird woman!)

8. Easiest person to buy for?
Me! 🙂 Next would be my sister Becky

9. Do you have a nativity scene?
No…how sad is that? I’ve seen ones I like, but I’ve never bought one. Must buy one!

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Hey Diane guess what kind of card you’ll be getting from me this Christmas? If you’re lucky you’ll get an e-mail and like it! >:) I SO hate doing Christmas cards. I have to write something to everyone because I hate blank cards and it takes ages. Last year I did “generic” Christmas cards. I wrote the same thing on cards that I made and that was quite pleasant. It was the little red or silver bird with a Christmas wrapping wing (if you were there at church on Christmas Eve when I handed them out you’ll know what I’m talking about.) I stayed up all night doing them and I thought they turned out really cute. The ones I kept I’ll be hanging on my tree again this year.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received.
There’s a list
3rd worst) The Christmas when I was 18 After watching our younger siblings open a number of presents my sister Becky was handed this small wrapped rectangle. It turned out to be a church music tape and that was our present…a shared tape of music neither of us liked. We listened to it; it was awful. Mother was very angry at us for not showing any delight or appreciation.

2nd worst) The Christmas I was 12 we went up to Seattle to share the holidays with my dad’s family. Before we left my mother took me into her room and gave me two shirts and told me these were part of my Christmas present. So I wore them happily thinking I’d actually get something else for Christmas…come Christmas day we were at Aunt Nancy’s where there was this veritable mountain of presents under the tree (it nearly swamped the tree). All my other siblings opened presents…I kept waiting and waiting…my sister opened a present with two same shirts in different colours as mine…waiting, waiting…my sister then opened a box with a curling iron. When the mountain had been unwrapped, feeling upset I asked Mother where my other present was. She then said my sister had opened it…it was the curling iron. I have curly hair…at the time I could curl my hair around my finger and get a ringlet! I did not need a curling iron! I was SO mad. She was angry that I didn’t appreciate a Christmas gift only my sister needed. I believe I ended up burning my hand on that stupid thing playing with it. A pox on curling irons!

Most worst) The Christmas I was nine my parents somehow forgot to get me anything (I don’t think my brother Mike was born yet so there were only four of us). All my siblings unwrapped multiple presents, but there was nothing for me. Feeling guilty my parents said I could have the tub of Almond Rocca my grandparents had given the family. I took the tub into my room and ate the whole thing in a rage…I’ve hated Almond Rocca ever since! It’s a toffee covered with almonds and chocolate. Sickly! That was the worst. I can laugh now, but I wasn’t laughing then! I have no memory of them making up for it by buying me anything either, though perhaps they did…?

ALL my siblings could tell Crappy-Christmas tales. When Sarah the youngest was about five or six, my four youngest siblings had this nightmarish Christmas where they were lucky if they got one or two cheap little things (I’m sure Philip said he didn’t get anything) they then had to watch my older brother’s kids tear open lots of presents. The grandchildren had other local grandparents so those kids had three lots of Christmas presents…my siblings were lucky if they got one. Crappy-Christmas Everyone! This could have been my family Christmas moto. My parents are idiots! Do you sense some residual hostility…I’ve dealt with my hangups…really…

I HATED Christmas until I moved away from home and started making it a pleasant happy time. I now love Christmas. It’s peaceful, filled with laughter and I get something I want because I pick out my Christmas presents! I sat with the Goblin the other day to make sure he ordered the right things…there’s only two. I’m not greedy!
I’m getting a print from a French artist. If you want to see her work you can find her at http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=12865
She’s really good. Her name is Anne-Julie. See if you can guess which print I chose…no not the cute one with the hearts though I was tempted. And the other thing I’m getting is the second series of Ugly Betty. I don’t have TV, but I watched the first series on yutube…so now I need to know how the story continues. Happy Fairy!

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
The Grinch with Jim Carey / The first in The Lord of the Ring’s series…(it’s Christmasy to me!)

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Depends…this year we’ve ordered the present in early December. But I’ll probably get the Goblin a few cheap little things…I always write up a funny little teasing questionaire or story for each present (he has to read them before opening the gift)…that’s my favorite part of Christmas, making the Goblin laugh and feel loved and laughing with him!

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Pepermints…black olives sound good right now…cranberry sauce…turkey…we’ll just get a microwave dinner! Easier! No mess to clean up.

16. Lights on the tree?
Of course…it’s not a Christmas tree without lights! They call them fairy-lights in England…how appropriate!

17. Favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night (Written by a Frenchman) , A Fairy Tale in New York by The Pogues (I tried to buy it off itunes and somehow bought the instrumental and now I’ll have to buy another one!) Rocking Around the Christmas Tree there are SOOOOO many more

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
Stay home unless flying to some sunny quiet beach. Why does anyone complicate Christmas by seeing family or friends? Spare me! Bah Humbug to that! My sister Becky has been driving every Christmas for years to her inlaws (over a thousand miles)…last year they almost died in a blizzard on the way home. Would dying be worth that week with the inlaws? No!

19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer?
Who cares?

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
STAR!!!

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?
Christmas morning…

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
Feeling obligated to give everyone a Christmas card. I hate this ‘must give everyone a Christmas card’ mentality in England! In my Universe I’d make my favorite people indidual cards and forget the rest because they don’t care about getting a card from me anyway no matter what the Goblin thinks, but he’s English and in his Universe he has to give everyone a card because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s true! He’s very sensitive.

Being given gifts from people I didn’t get anything for because there’s no reason why I would give them anything because I barely know them. I had this woman at church come up to me one Christmas and give me a gift…why? I didn’t know her. It was another picture frame that broke while I was cleaning one day (it nearly cut me…I could have died!) but thankfully it ended up in the trash and I didn’t have to keep using it incase she happened to visit not that she ever did.

I don’t see the point of giving Christmas gifts outside the family unless receiving gifts is someone’s love language. I think it’s stupid to expect other people to waste money on crap-gifts that so often end up in the charity shops! I know this one woman who is really poor who insists on spending a lot of money every year buying crap-gifts for a large number of people beyond her own children/grandchildren etc…why? Afterward she complains she doesn’t have enough money to pay for whatever…tip number one…don’t buy crap-gifts for people who are going to just throw them away! I’ve tried really hard to like her presents…I still have one in my bathroom, but they all stink. I think her sense of smell must be off. That would make sense, bless her.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?
Red and white (candy canes) My Vogue Star I made out of the silver cover of Christmas Vogue 2000. I’ve used it every year since. It has a special white snowflake cut and glued/glittered over the top and it sparkles like a big magic snowflake! Lovely. I love snowflakes…paper chains…I love lit candles that smell of apple/cinnemon.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Anything I fancy I can Microwave and eat out of the plastic tray. One less dish to wash. Homemaker I am not. When I’m rich I’ll have a live in chef (you think I’m kidding?) and then I’ll have lovely healthy dinners all the time…and since I’ll be rich I’ll have a Georgian table and chairs preferably burr elm inlaid with ebony…(lovely!)
Dreams are cheap…and should by definition be beautiful!

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
I’ve already told you…sorry it’s nothing profound like World Peace or anything worthy…no…just give me Ugly Betty and I’ll be happy for twelve hours or so while I eat some Thorntons pepermint candies and look at my print!!! If any of my friends or relations need to win a few extra favorite-people-points from me (or you think you might in future need to borrow money from your favorite fairy) all you have to do is read my free short story Lucky in Love on my website www.regencyromancenovels.com and tell me it made you laugh (but only if it made you laugh…don’t lie and don’t tell me you hate it, that won’t help you!

26. Who is most likely to respond to this?
No idea…if they’ve ever given me a crap-gift they might think to cross me off their list-o-friends…on the other hand everyone might write back to say how much they hate all the crap-gifts I’ve given them over the years. C’est la vie!

Why do these questionaires always ask who might not reply? Is the jerk who wrote it in the first place trying to guilt people into replying? I hate that! So let’s come up with some new ones…

27) Added by Cari If you could receive a Christmas letter from anyone alive or dead…who would it be? My answer would of course be a dead Frenchman and because I adore him even though he was a complete pain in the backside I’d have to pick…yes you guessed it, King John (you thought he was English? He spoke French baby!) If he had any English blood is was so diluted as to be inconsequential…sort of like my French blood, but lets not go there. If King John didn’t want to write me I’d enjoy hearing from Beaumarchais. Did you know he was a master watchmaker as well as a playwrite and a musician (harpist), business man, spy, arms dealer among other things? He’s one of my heroes…he was Amazing! As the French say, “Quelle Homme!” What a man! The United States wouldn’t exist without him…I kid you not!

28) Added by Cari If you could spend Christmas anywhere this year, where would it be? I think if I had the money, I’d take my Goblin away to somewhere sunny and peaceful where he could sit on the beach for hours reading a book in the sunshine or swim in a warm private pool. That would make my Goblin very happy and I wouldn’t have to make his breakfast bowl and that would make me happy! 🙂 Actually his breakfast bowl isn’t so bad, but I think that would be lovely…sun, sea, sand…no sunami…relaxation…no worrying about presents or stupid Christmas cards…that would be nice! You thought I was going to say visit family didn’t you? Ho Ho Ho…

29) Added by Cari If you could have any toy (I know you want a toy) what would it be?
I know what I want, I almost forgot I wanted one. I saw this at the toyshop…I may have to buy one for myself for Christmas (so I’ll get three presents) Merry Christmas from the Fairy! If you’ve ever see the British show Dr Who? for the latest series there was this toy plastic pocketwatch (I love pocketwatches) when you push a button it says, “I am a time Lord!” Rock on! I want one. Who wouldn’t want to be a time Lord and be able to travel back and forth in time? I want to be a time Lord! And I need a watch…excellent excuse!!!!

I think that’s enough torture for one day. For anyone contemplating sending me a similar questionare…know I’ll refer you back to this one…Merry Christmas! May none of you have a Crappy-Christmas!!!!